Mixed Feelings

I woke up too early this morning, 3 am. I used to have early breakfast for my fasting rituals, however today I felt like I don't have the energy to fast. The alarm clock in my room seems to tick a little bit louder than usual...tick..tick..tick...60 minutes before it beeps for the morning prayer. I didn't know what to do, so I had my tahajud prayer.

I couldn't describe the feeling I have today, it's a mixture of emotions and memories....of my uncle funeral....of feeling lost of someone you know...of wonders what future might brings...of things done in the past..

How it feels to be left after your funeral, inside the grave, dark, cold and lonely...i wonder..
Your companion is only your good deeds when you're still alive...and all the good acts you have done in the past. People will remember you always for things you have done for them..for smile you shared with them....for time you traveled with them...for stories you created with them...

Life is too short they say...are we living our life wisely ? Have I done something useful for myself ? for others ? Have I travel to the right place ? Have I seen the world already ? Have I seen enough ? Have I say something nice to others ? Have I apologize for my misbehave ?

Time is ticking but is not running out for me...my alarm beeps..the morning prayer calls..I had my morning prayer...afterwards I took my qur'an and read a passage of Ar-rahman (qsa 55 : 13)....”Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?”.. tears fell off my face..

“Lord grant me firm intentions...unwavering resolutions..Lord..I ask only for what is good”(Muhammad SAW prayer quoted from 1001 nights)